Emotions are part of begin human, but we need not be ruled by our emotions alone. This of course is no easy task in the midst of emotional moments. Anger is one of the strongest emotions that one will ever feel. To not be led to action by our anger is almost an impossible task. Anger in it’s self is justifiable. Anytime a goal or desire is blocked, you will naturally feel anger. It’s what we choose to do with this anger that effect our lives in positive or negative ways.
Repression Is Impossible
Holding on to anger presents itself differently in each person. Some on us walk around anger like it’s our identity; others of us try and ignore it at all cost. Either way we wear it anger has a way of keeping us stuck in the past. It causes the moment that invokes anger in us to play on repeat. We approach all lives circumstances with this filtering our vision and more often than not it holds us back from great things.
Maybe for a time this anger protected you and maybe even seemed to help you. It gave you a comfortable cushion of acceptance and security. Then one day something switched; you hit a wall. Our brain is amazing! It has a way of only allowing us to process what we can handle at certain seasons, but I have found once that season passes you will start to long to get on the other side of the wall and experience life to the fullest again without fear. Anger is a natural defense mechanism derived by a fear response.
So, anger is never really repressed. It is always driving us to move or stay which ever is most beneficial to us at the moment. This is what is commonly know as fight or flight. When you are driven by the fight or flight response for sometime you forget how to turn it off. Good opportunities will seem dangerous for you which could lead us into a corner of hopelessness. Its been known to lead to low self esteem which can lead to anxiety and depression.
“Re-Training” Exercise
First step to managing anger in a healthy way is to get to the root of the anger. There are coping skills, and these are helpful, but coping skills alone are just a band-aid. They can help us to feel better but actually facing and processing the anger can help more than you could even begin to imagine.
After using coping skills, use these steps to evaluate your feelings further:
Step 1: Do not condemn yourself for feeling anger. Just as to err is human, so it is to anger.
Step 2: Now that you are in a calmer state, reflex on what “triggered” the anger. Anger is a big emotion that I’m sure you will find can be broken down into smaller more manageable ones. Getting in the habit of keeping a journal maybe be helpful in the part of the exercise. See the resources tab for an quick reflective outline that I have found helpful.
Step 3: After writing it out you MUST talk it out. This can be a difficult step but it shouldn’t be delayed for long. Go to the person that has offended you and tell them how you feel using I feel statements. Tell them about what you discovered in you reflection exercise. No matter how they respond to you, they have no control of you if you release the pressure of anger inside of you. Don’t believe me, just give it a try.
Step 4: Realize how much control you have in how you respond. This may help you feel less trapped in situations where you may encounter anger again. Find some peace in doing what you can to change unfavorable situation, even if it’s just a more positive outlook.