Category: Resources

Since finally getting up the courage to publish a blog, with this post I’m going to shine a light on the beast that held me captive for such a long time. Comparing ourselves to others is almost second nature. It’s almost safe to say it is an expected norm. Some even view it as a positive motivator. I know there was a time in my life where I saw it as such, but the path it led me down was dark. In fact, it was so dark that I could not live without outside affirmation and most of us know the only way to get that is to keep up with everyone else in the world. It’s just the way of the world we live in. The quality of my life during this period was completely dependent on the fact that I was keeping us with the Jones’s while all the while it as was sucking the life out of me completely. How ironic.

Knowing Who You Are

Much of life is lived off absolutes and proof. What you see is what you get. You are ether this or that fitting in one box or the other. From an early age, I did my best to blend in with the crowd. I believe this played a big part in discovering who I really was. I excelled at many things and got plenty of praise for them, but I cannot tell you that I really enjoyed anything else about those things but the recognition that I got. I watched as others my age stuck out like sore thumbs and we’re picked on and ridiculed. I didn’t want to be that girl, so I picked my side appropriately. Looking back, I wish I had known better then. Now as an adult, I find myself unsure of who I really am. All my life I have spent trying to be someone I’m not. One strategy of the enemy is to get into our minds and trick us into believing we must be static beings, all with the same agenda. This is just not true. I do not have to continue to be a victim of the culture. We do not have to think and do the same things to be considered normal. When we start to see this truth and start to accept who are that we things will start to change.

So where do we go from here? I myself am proof that comparison and the need for affirmation from others outside of ourselves will drain your soul dry. We’re all unique at the core. We shouldn’t be afraid to fail, what others might think of us, or to explore who we are. There is beauty in all of us. We just have to stop looking outside to see what we lack and start looking inside to see what we already have. Once we start to appreciate ourselves, we can then start to see the beauty in other.

Try a gratitude practice! I have found that using a one since journal like this one makes it a quick and easy process.

Emotions are part of begin human, but we need not be ruled by our emotions alone. This of course is no easy task in the midst of emotional moments. Anger is one of the strongest emotions that one will ever feel. To not be led to action by our anger is almost an impossible task. Anger in it’s self is justifiable. Anytime a goal or desire is blocked, you will naturally feel anger. It’s what we choose to do with this anger that effect our lives in positive or negative ways.

Repression Is Impossible

Holding on to anger presents itself differently in each person. Some on us walk around anger like it’s our identity; others of us try and ignore it at all cost. Either way we wear it anger has a way of keeping us stuck in the past. It causes the moment that invokes anger in us to play on repeat. We approach all lives circumstances with this filtering our vision and more often than not it holds us back from great things.

Maybe for a time this anger protected you and maybe even seemed to help you. It gave you a comfortable cushion of acceptance and security. Then one day something switched; you hit a wall. Our brain is amazing! It has a way of only allowing us to process what we can handle at certain seasons, but I have found once that season passes you will start to long to get on the other side of the wall and experience life to the fullest again without fear. Anger is a natural defense mechanism derived by a fear response.

So, anger is never really repressed. It is always driving us to move or stay which ever is most beneficial to us at the moment. This is what is commonly know as fight or flight. When you are driven by the fight or flight response for sometime you forget how to turn it off. Good opportunities will seem dangerous for you which could lead us into a corner of hopelessness. Its been known to lead to low self esteem which can lead to anxiety and depression.

“Re-Training” Exercise

First step to managing anger in a healthy way is to get to the root of the anger. There are coping skills, and these are helpful, but coping skills alone are just a band-aid. They can help us to feel better but actually facing and processing the anger can help more than you could even begin to imagine.

After using coping skills, use these steps to evaluate your feelings further:

Step 1: Do not condemn yourself for feeling anger. Just as to err is human, so it is to anger.

Step 2: Now that you are in a calmer state, reflex on what “triggered” the anger. Anger is a big emotion that I’m sure you will find can be broken down into smaller more manageable ones. Getting in the habit of keeping a journal maybe be helpful in the part of the exercise. See the resources tab for an quick reflective outline that I have found helpful.

Step 3: After writing it out you MUST talk it out. This can be a difficult step but it shouldn’t be delayed for long. Go to the person that has offended you and tell them how you feel using I feel statements. Tell them about what you discovered in you reflection exercise. No matter how they respond to you, they have no control of you if you release the pressure of anger inside of you. Don’t believe me, just give it a try.

Step 4: Realize how much control you have in how you respond. This may help you feel less trapped in situations where you may encounter anger again. Find some peace in doing what you can to change unfavorable situation, even if it’s just a more positive outlook.